If you’re reading this, then it means you’ve just survived Christmas and New Year’s Eve as a single woman. Hopefully, you were able to enjoy the holiday, chuckle when your well-meaning elderly Aunt asked when you were going to get married, and celebrate all that God has given you this year.
Now it’s January. You can relax, take a deep breath, regroup and regain your perspective before heading into February and Valentine’s Day---I know, you’re probably not ready to even start thinking about that yet!
And you shouldn’t be stressing about something that is a month away!
Instead, January is a season for new beginnings. It’s a great month to reevaluate your life, see where you’ve been and where you’re going. Most importantly, it’s a great time to start making new choice that will help you reap positive benefits in your life and become the woman you desire to be.
So where do you start?
Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I think I’ve come up with a list of choices that we can make as Christian single women that will totally revolutionize our lives. I honestly believe that if we commit to following these 10 Commandments for Christian Single Women, we will find that when Christmas 2015 arrives, we will be different people. (Then, even if our circumstances don’t change and you find yourself answering Aunt Hildegard’s question yet again next year WE’LL have changed.) Making these positive choices will have helped us to find such contentment, joy and peace in our own lives that we’ll be completely happy to continue following whatever path God has for our lives.
So let’s take a look at The 10 Commandments for Christian Single Women:
#1. Thou Shall Not Wallow In Self Pity
Have you ever thought about the word “wallow”? It originally referred to the way a pig lies down and rolls around in the water or mud. It’s really a very unattractive quality---definitely not something that Daughter’s of the Most High King should be emulating.
A much better choice would be to decide to get out of the mess, shake the mud off, and move on. Just because someone or something threw mud all over you doesn’t mean you have to stay covered in mud. Even if you made bad decisions and chose to jump into a pool of mud on your own, you don’t have to stay there feeling sorry for yourself. It’s a new day---a new year. You can choose to get up, do what’s necessary to clean yourself off and start over.
Pitying yourself will not change anything---choosing to end the pity party and stop wallowing is the first step on the road to a better life.
#2. Thou Shall Not Continue Living in the Past
Whether your past is filled with terrible memories or you wish you could go back and relive the good old days, reality is that the past is behind us. It’s time to deal with it, overcome it, and move beyond it into all that God has planned for your present and future.
Granted, this may take some work. Depending on the depth of pain in your past, you may need counseling or help from a mature Christian to move on. However, it’s never too soon too start getting the help that you need to put the past behind you. After all, there’s nothing you can do to change it. Instead, it’s time to stop letting it control you, take a cue from Frozen, and “Let It Go.”
#3. Thou Shall Choose To Embrace Forgiveness
Did bad things happen in your life? I’m sure.
Did people hurt you and do things to you that were completely wrong—things that you never deserved? Yes.
Do these people deserve to be forgiven? Probably not.
However, the truth is that choosing to hold a grudge, hating them and refusing to forgive isn’t hurting them at all. The only person being hurt is YOU. So why not do the healthiest thing for yourself and choose to forgive them? Why let them continue to control your life just because you don’t want to let go of a grudge? Instead, choose to forgive and set yourself free.
Forgiveness: It’s a Get Out Of Jail Free Card You Give Yourself.
#4. Thou Shall Not Be Jealous of Other Women’s Lives
Jealousy is like cancer. Left untreated in your life, it will destroy you. Don’t be one of it’s victims.
If it’s already developed a root in your life, do everything you can to yank it out. The truth is that you don’t know what another woman’s life is really like. You don’t have any idea what’s it’s like to walk a mile in her shoes. A much better choice would be to get your eyes on your own life. If you want something to be different; change it. If you can’t change it; than accept it as God’s will for your life and learn to embrace it.
Rather than wishing you had someone else’s life, focus on developing a grateful attitude for all that God has given you. Like jealousy, the more room you give gratitude in your life, the more it will grow. If you start choosing to be grateful (even if you have to force yourself to do it) in time you’ll find that you truly are grateful. As the gratitude grows, your entire outlook on life will change. You’ll have a more positive perspective and you’ll actually start enjoying your life far more than you ever thought possible.
#5. Thou Shall Not Continue Carrying Around A Victim Mentality
There’s a difference between being victim and choosing to live with a victim mentality.
True, there may have been a time in life when you were someone else’s victim. However, you don’t have to continue letting them victimize you forever. There comes a point where you have to take responsibility for your own life and say, “They may have hurt me, but they will not destroy me.” Then start making positive choices that will reap positive rewards in your own life.
You may not be able to change what happened; but you can absolutely change what happens from this point forward. The first step is your choice to lay aside a victim mentality and begin making choices that will lead to a victorious life in Christ.
#6. Thou Shall Not Continue in Sinful Behavioral Patterns or Continue Following Generational Iniquities
Too often women believe the lie “This is just the way things have to be…I’ll never overcome…This is just the way my family acts….Mom, Grandma, and all of my Aunts struggled with this, I guess I’m just next in line.”
Through the blood of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit, you can overcome ALL sinful behavioral patterns and put an end to all generational iniquities.
Will it take work? Yes.
Will it be emotionally painful? Probably.
But I’ll guarantee you this---it won’t be any more painful that spending the rest of your life suffering the consequences of the choice to just accept these things as normal and continue living in them. Freedom from sin and generational iniquities is available to you. You can make the choice to start recognizing the patterns, recognizing where they started, forgiving the people involved, and renouncing any demonic oppression that may be influencing your life in Jesus’ name. Then you can start choosing to abandon sinful ways and start forming new behavioral patterns. You can be an overcomer, IF you want to be. Here are names of two books that will help you get started:
#7. Thou Shall Commit to a Maintaining a Personal Relationship with Jesus Through Prayer and Bible Reading.
Many single women will enter into 2015 looking for a relationship. (Heck, every dating service on the planet is going to try to tell you that they can help you find one this month.) I’d like to challenge you to delay taking them up on their offer and instead, focus on the most important relationship in your life: your relationship with Jesus.
Make 2015 the year that you make a solid commitment to daily prayer and Bible reading, and I can guarantee that it will revolutionize your life. Be consistent about it and watch your relationship with God flourish and grow. It will change you, it will change your life, and ultimately, it will change every other relationship you have from this point forward.
#8. Thou Shall Commit to Maintaining A Standard of Biblical Purity in Every Area of Your Life
Unfortunately, we live in a world that constantly defines women by their sexuality. The message to single women is that if you want to find a man, you’re going to have to abandon God’s rules for purity and start “putting it out there.” You need to look sexy, act sexy, dress sexy, go to provocative, ungodly places, and be willing to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage.
But here’s the truth: As a Christian woman, you will not be happy with yourself or any relationship you gain through these tactics. In your heart, you’ll know you are sinning. You’ll know that you’ve hurt your relationship with God, you’re devaluing yourself, and you’re settling for less than you really wanted. There’s really no joy in compromise.
Instead, I challenge you to make a commitment to purity in 2015. Not just the type of purity that “avoids fornication”, but purity in your speech, your actions, your attitudes, your appearance, and what entertainment you allow to pass through your brain. Stop filling your mind with all of the world’s messages regarding “Sex and Singles” and truly embrace God’s standards for purity, and see if you don’t peace in your singleness that you thought was never possible.
#9. Thou Shall Submit Your Will to God’s Will.
Submit is a tough world.
It’s usually associated with married women “submitting” to their husbands (trust me, they usually aren’t too thrilled with it either). That’s because the definition of “submit” is “to accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another”.
Honestly, I get why the concept of “submission” is hard. It’s scary to trust another human being with an outcome in your life because human beings are by nature flawed and prone to error. However, when it comes to submitting our lives to God, we don’t need to have any fear because God is incapable of error. His ways are always perfect and His plans are always for our good. Even when we don’t necessary understand His direction; knowing His nature, we can trust that His ways are always right.
That’s why one of the best choices that any woman can make is to wholeheartedly and completely submit her will to God’s will for her life. Trust Him to lead you where you need to go, when you need to go, and along the right paths to get you there. Don’t waste your time and energy struggling for your own way. Don’t wear yourself out acting like a spoiled child demanding that God conform to your desires even though His ways are best.
Instead, choose to submit your will to His and follow where He leads.
Trust that He will give you everything that He knows is good for you and rest in His love.
Choose to walk in His paths so that He can lead you to His purpose for your life.
See if in the end, you don’t find all of the happiness, joy and fulfillment you desire.
#10. Thou Shall Connect With a Community of Believers for Spiritual Support
We were not meant to live our lives alone---that’s why God created the church. If you’re struggling with loneliness or find yourself in need of support entering 2015, find a healthy, Bible-believing, Spirit-filled church and become involved.
Make some friends.
Join a Life Group.
Choose to be a part of a community of believers who will love you, support you, encourage you, and help you grow in your walk with Christ.