The Crazy Lady & The Christmas Tree

November 30, 2015

 

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas---everywhere you go

There’s the tree in the Grand Hotel….one in the park as well…”

           

And this year, there’s going to be a Christmas tree in our house, too!!!

          

I know this probably shouldn’t seem like such a big deal…I mean everybody has a Christmas tree, don’t they?

           

Well, because of allergies and then the grief we experienced when my Mom went to Heaven, it’s been years since we’ve put up a tree.

 

But this year, things are going to be different!   Heading into December, I have to admit that I was just about bursting with excitement and anticipation of putting up a tree. 

           

In fact, I was so excited that I started looking for a tree a few weeks before Thanksgiving.  As soon as the ads started popping up for discounted Christmas trees, I was ready to go.   Still, knowing that I didn’t actually have anywhere to store a Christmas tree until we put it up, I managed to restrain myself until a week before Thanksgiving.   Then I just couldn’t wait anymore!

           

Like a kid on Christmas morning, I headed off into the first store where I’d seen an inexpensive Christmas tree advertised online.  Of course, they didn’t have the tree I wanted, but instead, they had much bigger, much more beautiful trees that also came with a much, much, higher price tag. 

           

Obviously, it was a bait and switch ploy.  Advertise one tree and then put others on display. 

           

Classic Christmas sales tactic. 

           

Only I wasn’t going to fall for it, so I left that store and headed off to another store that I was sure would have a wider selection of trees.

           

And I was right---they did. 

           

However, it was in the second store that I came to a striking realization:  I am unable to pick a Christmas tree. 

           

I guess it isn’t so much of a realization as a recollection because this has happened before---too many times.  

           

Looking back, I think it’s a problem I’ve had since I was a little girl and it affects more areas than just Christmas trees.  Basically, I am dimensionally challenged. I have no ability to access how large or small an item is.    Nothing ever looks big enough—especially when it comes to Christmas trees.

           

The scenario is always the same---I walk into a store knowing exactly which tree I want to buy.  The price is right and according to the measuring tape, the size is right.  But then when I’m standing in the store looking at the tree, it looks so ridiculously small and pathetic. 

           

Then I look at the big, beautiful, bushy, expensive trees around it and I think: This is what I need. 

           

The longer I stand there, the more I actually feel sorry for the tiny (6 ½ foot) trees and sorry for myself that all I can have is this Charlie Brown Tree knock-off.   Eventually, I become so overwhelmed and bewildered with the choice that I walk away without purchasing any tree and head toward the car in dismay and disappointment.

           

When I get to the car my brother knows exactly what happened. 

           

“Trees look small again?”

          

  “Yes”

           

He knows because I’ve always been this way...for years.  

           

To help solve the problem, I spent the next 2 days showing him trees that look the right size to me.  This list includes the 20 foot spruce tree in our back yard (he actually took a picture of this one and put it on Facebook with the caption, “My dimensionally challenged sister Adessa just asked if this tree was too big to put in the house lol. ‪#‎wearenotrockefellercenter ‪#‎seriously.” 

 

 

I was also very impressed with a 10 foot tall Christmas tree that I saw on a popular sitcom.  (My brother pointed out that if the middle of the tree is higher than the adult actor’s heads, it’s probably too big for our house.)

           

Realistically, I get it.  We cannot have a super-sized tree.

           

I understand that we can’t install a skylight so I can have a 10 foot tree or remove the furniture from the living room and sit on the floor so that I can have a tree that rivals Rockefeller Center in my home.

           

I get it.  And it all seems completely logical until I’m standing in a department store looking at trees and thinking that anything under 8 feet is too small.

           

The same thing happens when we try to buy a live tree. 

 

I remember years ago when the artificial tree I grew up with just wouldn’t go another year.   So off we went to an open field to pick a live Christmas tree.   (By the way, after tramping around a muddy, rocky field for an hour I discovered why God made macadam.)    

 

Anyway, I picked out several lovely trees that seemed perfect to me.  

 

However, my Dad said we couldn’t have a 10 foot tree when we only had 8 foot ceilings.  Still, the 6 foot trees seemed so pathetic and small to me out in the middle of the field. 

 

I really tried to picture them in our house, but I couldn’t stand the thought of having those tiny twigs in our home at Christmas.  Again, that day we came home without a tree because I couldn’t see the beauty in anything that didn’t resemble the tree that Clark Griswald cut down on his Christmas vacation. 

 

But I think we are finally making progress.

 

On the Saturday before Thanksgiving, I got out the measuring tape and measured what a 6 ½ foot tree looks like in our house.  We measured height and width and have determined that even a puny little 6 foot tree is going to take up an enormous amount of floor space in our house.

 

Then we ordered it online and picked it up in the store---in a box---away from all of the other trees.

 

Problem solved!!!

 

Finally, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

 

 

 

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