Does he exist? Does God have just one person for all of us? And if so, how will we recognize him?
These are the questions that have Christian women all over the globe reenacting scenes from “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” as they see a man and instantly wonder, “Are you THE ONE?”
Again, I’ve been there. I clearly remember standing in line at my freshman college registration wondering, “I wonder which one he is?”
I’m sorry to admit that over the next four years I looked at every guy I met as the potential “ONE” who would make my dreams come true and help me life happily ever after.
And along the way I missed a lot of potentially great friendships and had my heart broken over and over again by guys who may not have even meant to reject me but just didn’t feel the instant need to fall in love Hallmark style, meet, marry and ride off into the sunset.
So here’s my new approach to finding “The ONE”.
First, I’ve given up the hunt.
I’ve decided that if God can plan every other detail of my life, He can also lead me to the right man at the right time if it is His will. I truly, in the deepest recesses of my heart believe that this is God’s responsibility to orchestrate and I’m choosing to rest in Him.
This changes my perspective.
Rather than always being on the look out for Mr. Right, I am free to live my life and trust that God will provide. This totally changes my interactions with single men. It’s seriously changed my outlook on dating.
As I told a friend who recently sent me an article about Courtship versus Dating to get my opinion, here is what I believe is a healthy approach to dating:
#1 Don’t Date Any Man You Wouldn’t Consider Marrying
Hold it! I thought you said we weren’t supposed to look at every single man we meet as a potential husband? Explain.!!!
The thought is very simple. I think it’s very important that as Christian women we do not put ourselves in the position where our hearts can be opened up to men who have obvious dealbreakers in their lives.
Such as: Don’t date non-Christians. Don’t date men who have a history of abuse.
Personally, I won’t date someone who drinks or gambles or is comfortable with pornography. If someone is opposed to a life of ministry, that’s not going to work for me. These are deal breakers for me.
I believe as Christian women we need to know what our deal breakers are and draw our boundaries accordingly. Have some pride women, and don’t date guys you would NEVER consider marrying. It’s not fair to you or to them!
#2 Don’t Expect Every Dinner Date to End at the Altar
Just because someone meets my standard doesn’t mean I’d expect dinner to lead to marriage. That’s the problem with always pursuing “The One”---it’s just too much pressure to be too serious too soon. Dating allows you to get to know someone and find out if you enjoy being in their company, do you like the same things, do you complement each other or annoy each other?
The truth is that some dates end in friendship, and that’s not a bad thing. On the other hand, you don’t want to scare off “The One” by sending out ‘Save the Date’ cards after the first date.
So, as we would have said way back in the ‘90s when it comes to finding “The One”, we all need to “chill”. Relax. Take a deep breath and slow down.
Trust that God has EVERY SINGLE detail of your life under control.
As Psalm 139:16 says:
“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
Rest in this and end the hunt for “The One.”
Live your life and allow God to bring him to you.
Along the way give yourself and the guys you meet a break.
Create boundaries and stick to them, and then stop putting so much pressure on every situation.
Stop stressing and enjoy your life.
It’s going to be okay.