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Who Wants To Be a Middle-aged Drama Queen?

The older I get, the more I am sure that I don't have time for unnecessary drama. I don’t like it. It doesn’t benefit me, and whenever possible, I don’t want it to be a part of my life.

I know, some women love it—-they thrive on it. They play their role as a drama queen in every relationship and situation in their lives. That is their choice. However, the more I live, the more I am sure that this is not who I want to be.

Instead, I want to walk in peace, and I want to bring peace to the people and circumstances around me. I’ve lived through enough genuine trauma and heartache in my life, that I don’t need to create more of it. As I’ve entered into middle age (that’s hard to type), I’ve decided that drama is one of the childish things that I want to leave behind me.

As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

Before we go further, please allow me to clarify that I am talking about unnecessary drama. I completely understand that life is filled with heartache and genuine trauma that we can often not avoid. I’ll help anyone through a genuine heartache or trauma. I will be there for them to listen, to cry, to pray, and to help in any way that I am able. That’s not what this chapter is about.

Instead, this blog is about deciding that when your local drama queen puts on a performance, you will not be attending. Even more, it’s about how we can avoid being a drama queen, and instead, be a woman who walks in peace.

This was a decision I made in my late thirties and early forties after a few experiences with drama queens who seemed to create chaos in every situation they entered. After experiencing the tornado of their drama over and over again, I decided I didn’t want this to be a part of my life. I began creating boundaries that helped me stop their drama from influencing my life and stealing my peace. Today, I’ll share them with you:

1. Get the Facts

Something I’ve learned about drama queens is that they choose to act from a place of emotion rather than facts. Something happens, and they become overwhelmed, panicked, and hysterical before they are even aware of the facts in a situation.

I experience this all the time with my Dad (who, though a male, tends to be very dramatic). For instance, a few months ago, our furnace was leaking. When the repairman came, my Dad came up from the basement wearing his dramatic face and said, “This is gonna cost big money…it’s gonna break the bank.”

At that moment, I had a choice. I could panic and join his dramatic party, or I could wait until the repairman was finished and deal with the facts of the situation. An hour later, the repairman gave me a bill for $150. While $150 isn’t nothing, in the world of furnace repair, it was actually a blessing. No tragedy. No drama. No need to be panicked.

Living with my Dad, I’ve learned that this is a pattern in his life. If I want to avoid being pulled into his drama and constantly riding an emotional roller coaster, I need to choose to meet each problem with calm, wait until the facts are gathered, and then determine how to solve the issue.

2. Avoid Procrastination

Nothing creates drama like waiting until the last minute to complete a task. An easy project becomes an emergency as you race against the clock in an attempt to meet a deadline. Suddenly, your adrenaline is pumping, your heart is racing, and your blood pressure is rising. While some people love the exhilaration, I don’t. I’ve learned to lower the level of drama by simply planning and avoiding procrastination.

Over time, I also learned to set boundaries with dramatic people. I once heard a minister share the line, “Your procrastination is not my emergency” and realized that I didn’t have to allow other people's procrastination to cause such drama in my life.

3. Manipulation

Nothing creates more drama and chaos than a person who chooses to use manipulation to try to control a situation. As Hallmark movies should have already taught us, playing games, going behind people’s backs, lying, and scheming only results in drama, pain, and heartache.

Again, these are the tools of the immature. As mature, godly women, we need to choose the path of honesty. We need to be women who choose to work in the light, not in the shadows. As women of God, we should never, ever use our womanly wiles to get what we want or control a situation. Instead, we should be honest, direct, and above board in all of our dealings.

Not only will this path help us be positive representatives of Jesus and gain the respect of others, but it will also keep us from having to clean up the inevitable mess that will come when our deceit or manipulation unravel. (Don’t kid yourself—it always unravels.)

4. Gossip and Getting Involved in Other People’s Conflicts

We’ve all been there. Nancy and Susie had a fight, and Nancy can’t wait to tell you all about it. “Susie is horrible. Can you believe she did this? How could she? Well, I know how she could. I’ve heard she’d done it before…” On and on, the gossip spreads.

The older I get, the more I have resolved that I don’t want to be a part of this type of drama. If Nancy comes to me with a problem with Susie, I’m going to pray with her and tell her the Biblical truth that, “You need to go talk to Susie.”

I’m not going to choose sides, get in the middle, or say bad things about Susie to Nancy or vice versa. Why? First, this isn’t what the Bible says to do. Secondly, it isn’t how mature women act. Finally, too many times, I’ve seen Nancy and Susie reconcile and then turn on the person who got in the middle.

Sorry, but the Bible gives clear direction for how we are to respond when people offend us. It isn’t drama, it isn’t spreading rumors, and it certainly isn’t gossip. In fact, the Bible is clear that gossip destroys and tears down. As Christians, we are called to build up and bring healing.

If you want to have a peaceful life, then two things to avoid are gossip and getting in the middle of other people’s arguments. Instead, we need to act as peacemakers and redirect women toward applying Biblical principles to their lives and their relationships.

5. Social Media

Let me start by saying that I love social media. It’s how I connect with many of my friends who live far away, and it’s a vital tool in my ministry. The potential to use social media for good is limitless. Unfortunately, the pendulum can also swing the other way, and social media can be a tool of destruction and drama.

Whenever social media begins to give me a negative outlook, I’ve learned to set up boundaries and regain my peace. Several of these boundaries include:

A resolve that I will not participate in online arguments.

I don’t tolerate arguments on my posts—I delete argumentative comments.

I “unfollow” those who constantly post things that steal my peace, create arguments, or are overly dramatic.

When the drama gets too be too much, I put my phone away for a while. It may be hours or days, but I will not allow social media to steal my peace or add unnecessary drama to my life.

These steps, along with the other boundaries that I’ve shared, have made a tremendous difference in my life. However, it all started when I made the conscious decision that I did not want to be a forty-something drama queen. I want to be a woman who walks in peace.

The only way that I know how to do this is to determine inside of my heart and mind that whenever drama sends an invite to its party, I am not going to RSVP. Over and over again, as I’ve made this choice, I’ve found that I prefer joy over panic, calm over chaos, and peace over drama.

Because while drama may be fun for teenage girls, it is the thief of joy and peace in adult women. If you want to enjoy your life more, choose to avoid unnecessary drama.

Trust me; you’ll be so glad you did.

Scriptures to Ponder:

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” (Isaiah 26:3, NLT)

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NLT)

“Wrongdoers eagerly listen to gossip; liars pay close attention to slander.” (Proverbs 17:4, NLT)

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15-17, NLT)

Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we’re not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times.

We refuse to wear masks and play games.

We don’t maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes.

And we don’t twist God’s Word to suit ourselves.

Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. (2 Corinthians 4:1-4, MSG)

     Adessa Holden is an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God specializing in Women's Ministry. Together with her brother, Jamie, they manage 4One Ministries and travel the East Coast speaking, holding conferences, and producing Men's and Women's resources that provide practical Biblical teaching for everyday life.

When asked about herself, she'll tell you "I'm a women's minister, a sister, and a daughter. I love to laugh and spend time with people. My favorite things are chocolate, the ocean, sandals and white capris, anything purple, summertime and riding in the car listening to music. It is my absolute honor and privilege to serve Jesus and women through this ministry."


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