Why I'm Talking to Myself These Days


The older I get, the more I talk to myself. Sometimes it’s out loud (which is a little scary), but mostly it’s in my head.


Sometimes it sounds like a mother scolding her child,


“No, Adessa, you don’t need to buy that item you think you want. You’ll just end up worrying about how to pay for it.”


“Don’t start that fight you want to have just because you’re tired and PMS-y. You don’t want to clean up the mess your words will make.”


“No, ‘Des, you don’t want to eat that. It’ll taste good now, but you won’t feel good tonight.”


And then there's the old: "Do not post that on social media!! It'll just start an argument and who wants that?"


Other times I tell myself things I should do:


“Come on, girl, you have to make your family dinner.” or “You can do it even if you don’t want to.”


Yeah, my inner voice is a pain sometimes. It’s also the better part of me reminding me to exhibit self-control that isn’t always popular today.


In a world that tells us we should have what we want, when we want it, no matter what, self-control reminds us that these are basically all lies.


We don’t deserve to have all our wants fulfilled.


Our feelings can’t dictate our choices.


We need boundaries and motivation to do the right thing even when the wrong thing is easier.


Self-control is considered a fruit of the Spirit.


“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV)


Titus 1:8 lists self-control as a qualification for elders in the church, and Titus 2 lists it as a quality that both young men and women should possess.


Most importantly, Titus 2:12 says that self-control is part of saying “no” to ungodliness and worldly passions.


2 Peter 1:5-8 tells us that self-control is essential to being a mature believer.


For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 


and to knowledge, self-control;


and to self-control, perseverance;


and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.


For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.



Even though it’s not exactly popular, self-control is a quality that all Christians are supposed to be developing as we become more like Jesus.


Whether it be our words, actions, desires, or how we spend our money, we all need to remember that self-control is a virtue.


Sometimes that means talking to ourselves and saying, “No,” “Do it,” or “C’mon, girl, exhibit some self-control!”


Stick around and you'll probably hear me talking to myself about it!










Adessa Holden is an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God specializing in Women's Ministry. Together with her brother, Jamie, they manage 4One Ministries and travel the East Coast speaking, holding conferences, and producing Men's and Women's resources that provide practical Biblical teaching for everyday life.


When asked about herself, she'll tell you "I'm a women's minister, a sister, and a daughter. I love to laugh and spend time with people. My favorite things are chocolate, the ocean, sandals and white capris, anything purple, summertime and riding in the car listening to music. It is my absolute honor and privilege to serve Jesus and women through this ministry.



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