When it came to the topic of “Soaring as a Christian Single” one of the heaviest things that was holding me down was the intense shame feelings of inadequacies, lack of value and self-worth because I was single.
Can I be honest and say that a lot of this was fueled by the things I’d learned growing up in the church?
Years ago, I saw an old Cary Grant movie called “Every Woman Should be Married.”
Being completely vulnerable and honest, I have to say that growing up in the church, a lot of the teaching that went out about being a godly woman could have been given the same title.
Trust me when I say that I grew up in a culture where it was not even a question---women were expected to get married---and get married young.
Only that wasn’t God’s plan for my life.
When I graduated from Bible College without a husband, I felt like a complete failure. I was absolutely sure there was something wrong with me. There had to be a huge flaw in the very essence of who I was that no one wanted me.
Thankfully, God stepped in helped me see that just because this was the strong belief of the culture I grew up in and of many people within the church culture, it was not His view.
One of the first things that I had to face in my life was that there is no shame in being single in God’s eyes.
Even though the Church often promotes marriage and family as God’s perfect will for every person’s life, if you search the Bible, you will NEVER see singleness being put down or seen as a shameful thing. Instead, it is praised and applauded.
(Yeah, it shocked me, too)
On my journey to learning to Soar as a Single Woman, this is one of the first Scripture that God showed me:
Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
8-9 I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me.
25-26 The Master did not give explicit direction regarding virgins, but as one much experienced in the mercy of the Master and loyal to him all the way, you can trust my counsel. Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are.
32-35 I want you to live as free of complications as possible.
When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master.
Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention.
The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.
I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
(1 Corinthians 7)
I have to admit that the first time the Holy Spirit led me to these Scriptures they absolutely blew my mind.
Here are actual Scriptures where God removes the shame of being single.
The truth is that in God’s eyes there is no shame in being single.
It is not God’s perfect will that every woman be married.
Instead, God’s perfect will is that every woman find her place, her purpose, and her identity in her relationship with Jesus Christ.
Being married does not make you a “real” woman.
It doesn’t make you stronger, better, more successful, or more fulfilled.
It certainly doesn’t make a godlier woman.
When we realize that our relationship status does not determine….
….or whether or not we are in the will of God
….we are finally free to soar as a single woman.