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No Matter What You've Heard...

“You little #”%!!@$)”!!!!

I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

It was a warm summer day and I was sitting in the car with the windows down waiting for Jamie to come out of Home Depot. I was mostly people watching and daydreaming, when these words and many others echoed through the parking lot.

“You’re #”%!!@$), you embarrassed me, you’re #)#%)”.

It happened a few cars down. A young man in his twenties and a friend were coming out of the store with two young children. HE WAS ANGRY!

Screaming obscenities that were too vulgar to repeat on the internet, he unloaded like a machine gun on the children.

Slamming doors and carrying on, he blamed them for making a “fool” (okay, that wasn’t the word he used but I’m a lady) out of him in the store. Although I don’t know what happened inside the store, I am sure that two children that small could not have intentionally done anything so bad to deserve the verbal and emotional beating they were receiving.

As a grown woman a half a parking lot away, I was frightened. I cannot imagine how the children felt. (Although I suspect this wasn’t the first time they’d experienced such treatment or heard these words.)

Then with one final slam of the door he sped away and I continued thinking.

How many children endure this type of treatment every day?

How many of them grow into men and women who believe the lies they were told by a parent, a teacher, a babysitter, a grandparent, a sibling or any other adult who said that they are worthless, a troublemaker who is nothing but a burden?

Perhaps today, as you’re reading this, you are among the hurting souls who have heard these words---who knows all too well the pain of this scene.

If so, today, my friend, I want you to fully hear and believe these two truths:

#1: Whoever spoke these words to you lied.

You are valuable, you have incredible worth, and enormous potential. You were created and designed by God with a purpose and a plan. You are not a mistake, an embarrassment, or something to be abused and discarded.

If someone told you otherwise, THEY WERE WRONG. The odds are that they had pain in their own heart and mind that they took out on you.

No, I’m not excusing them---they were completely wrong. However, I’ve found in my own life that when I understand that the hurtful words spoken to me had far less to do with me and abundantly more to do with the pain in the other person’s heart and their own unhappiness with themselves, it has helped me re-frame my perspective and see that they were lying.

Just because they said it doesn’t make it true---people speak and act from their pain.

Hurting people hurt people, but you don’t have to accept the pain they inflicted on you as the final verdict in your life. You can recognize that they were wrong and begin the process of rejecting the words they spoke over you.

Just because they threw garbage on you doesn’t mean you have to walk about covered in garbage.

You can choose to say, “They were wrong”, brush off the garbage, and move forward in dignity.

Here’s the second truth:

#2 God doesn’t see you this way.

No matter what lies you have been told about yourself and may even be believing about yourself, you can be assured that God doesn’t see you this way.

In his eyes, you have value. In fact, you are treasured.

When He looks at you, He sees His creation filled with potential and purpose and His heart overflows with love and a desire to have a relationship with you.

Does He see your mistakes, your flaws, and your sins?

Yes---but He never responds to them out of rage or embarrassment, rather when He disciplines and corrects is for the purpose of helping you live a more abundant life.

Here’s one final truth: It is not God’s will for you to spend the rest of your life walking around covered in the heartache, shame, and confusion of lies spoken to you throughout your life.

No, His perfect will is that you come to Him and let Him do a healing work in your heart and mind.


I know from experience that God is able to heal every wound from your past and completely restore your mind so that you see yourself through His eyes rather than the eyes of the one who hurt you.

He is simply waiting for you to allow Him to do it.

How do you answer His invitation?

How I wish I could answer that question in a brief blog!!! But simply it’s impossible.

That’s why I wrote the book Finding Healing---so that I could fully share my own story of how God took all of the lies, the heartache, the confusion and shame that were spoken over me and my family, and completely healed and restored us helping me to find my true value, my true identity and peace in Him.

It’s my hope that sharing my testimony will help you follow the Biblical principles to find true healing in your own life. So that you, too, can fully believe that no matter what lies were spoken over you in the past, you can walk in God’s truth that you are loved, you are valuable, you are wanted.

Adessa Holden is an ordained minister with the Assemblies of God specializing in Women's Ministry. Together with her brother, Jamie, they manage 4One Ministries and travel the East Coast speaking, holding conferences, and producing Men's and Women's resources that provide practical Biblical teaching for everyday life.

When asked about herself, she'll tell you "I'm a women's minister, a sister, and a daughter. I love to laugh and spend time with people. My favorite things are chocolate, the ocean, sandals and white capris, anything purple, summertime and riding in the car listening to music. It is my absolute honor and privilege to serve Jesus and women through this ministry.

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