Did God Really Say It's Wrong to Date a Married Man?

December 31, 2016

 

 

Every time I see it on facebook I’m a little taken back.  It’s a meme that says,

 

“Ladies, in case you’re confused God won’t send you someone else’s husband.”

 

Honestly, as a single woman it often feels like a slap in the face.  My first reaction is always, “Why do you think I want your husband?” 

 

Even more why do you think I would do that to another sister in Christ?

 

Most of all, why do you think I would ever do something so egregious to my relationship with God?  Because as Joseph said when he was turning down Potipher’s wife, “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?”  (Genesis 39:9)

 

Yet, even though these are genuinely my feelings I understand why the meme is so popular.  The truth is that we live in a society that is confused.  As unbelievable as it seems, one of the common “Did God Really Say That” questions is: Did God Really say “Don’t Commit Adultery?”

 

Today we live in a world where women are no longer respecting the boundaries of marriage.  Many women have allowed their standards to be lowered by the world’s influence, and they have resorted to desperate measures to find someone to love them. 

 

Recently, my brother told me a story he heard at a men’s retreat.   The speaker was talking to the men about purity.    As an example, he told how he frequently receives nude inappropriate photographs and invitations from women in his church which he immediately gives to his wife to handle. 

 

I have to admit, I was so disappointed in my gender.  

 

Why would a woman who calls herself a Christian be making such an obvious play for a married man of God? 

 

Ladies, this is wrong.   It doesn’t matter how lonely you are or how badly you want to be married, it is sin to try to trap your brother in Christ into adultery.  

 

Just in case you were wondering---the Bible is very clear:

 

Exodus 20:14: “You shall not commit adultery”

 

“Yeah, but that’s Old Testament legalism….it doesn’t still apply today.”

 

Okay, let’s check out the New Testament where JESUS says:

 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Matthew 5:27-28

 

So here it is from another single woman, the Bible is clear:

 

God will NEVER send you someone else’s husband. 

 

If a man is married he is not for you.  He belongs to God, his wife, and his family. Period.

Pursuing a married man in any way (whether it be flirting, crushing, daydreaming, or actively chasing him) is sin. 

 

When a man is wearing a wedding ring, he is completely off limits.

 

A Christian woman should not even flirt with a married man.

 

No exceptions.

 

“But you don’t understand…..I LOVE him.”

 

Sorry---but that’s just not true.

 

Love doesn’t destroy another person’s life.  It doesn’t try to hurt someone, their wife, or their children.  This is not love---it might be lust---it might be obsession, but it is not love.

 

“But you don’t understand how I feel.”

 

Well, that’s true to a point.  But I do have strong suspicions.

 

I’d imagine you feel lonely.  You unloved.  You feel envious of what someone else has because you wish so desperately that you had it in your own life. 

 

Yet, if I can talk to you sister to sister, heart to heart, please let me tell you that the love and life you are looking for cannot be found through adultery.  Instead, if you find yourself attracted to a married man, you need to begin a journey to heal the wounds in your heart and the pain in your mind that is leading you in this direction.  The truth is that there is something inside of you that is driving you in this direction and before you will ever be able to have a healthy relationship, you need to overcome these areas. 

 

Where do you start?

 

First you need to confess your sin to God.  Ask Him to forgive you for any thoughts, feelings, or actions that you have toward a married man.  Be thorough and truly repent.

 

Next, you need to seek help.  I truly believe that you need to find a born again Spirit-filled counselor or coach who will help you deal with the issues in your heart that make you want to steal someone else’s life rather than a good, healthy marriage of your own. 

 

What if you are already having an affair?

 

The first thing you need to do is end it.

 

Then confess to God and find a counselor who will help you come clean with everybody involved and overcome the pain and issues that will result from the affair.  A Bible-believing counselor will also help you work through the fallout that will inevitably come as a result of the affair. 

 

The truth is that adultery comes with a cost. No matter how harmless, romantic, or normal Hollywood wants to paint an affair, it just isn’t that way.   In the end, adultery destroys the lives of everyone it touches leaving nothing but pain, heart and chaos in it’s wake. 

 

Proverbs 6:27-28 says:

 

“Can a man scoop fire into his lap

without his clothes being burned?

Can a man walk on hot coals

without his feet being scorched?

So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;

no one who touches her will go unpunished.”

 

Ultimately, that’s why God said, “Don’t commit adultery”---because he doesn’t want you to go through that much pain.  He doesn’t want to see lives destroyed.  He doesn’t want you to suffer the agony this life choice will bring.

 

Even more: God thinks you are worth more than being the mistress to someone else’s husband.

 

You have been bought with the precious, holy blood of Jesus.

 

You have the Holy Spirit of God living inside of you.

 

You have a personal relationship with the God Who Created the Universe.

 

God Almighty calls YOU His daughter---The King of Heaven says YOU are His princess. 

You are worth more than you settle for in adultery.  

 

That’s why God says, “No---do not commit adultery---trust me to bring a healthy relationship into your life.   Until that happens allow ME to be your husband and fill your desires.  Don’t settle for stolen goods when I have so much more to offer you.”

 

In the end, the meme is true----God’s will for you isn’t someone else’s husband.

 

It’s so much more.

 

If you really want to enjoy the best life He has planned for you, you need to love God enough and love your sisters in Christ enough to avoid every single form of adultery.

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