Q & A Are there any practical tips that can help the woman who wants to obey the Bible’s commands about Sex and the Christian Single?

January 1, 2017

 

Here are some practical tips to help you choose purity:

 

1.   In order to obey the Bible’s commands regarding Sex and the Christian Single, a Christian single woman needs to make a commitment to abstinence.

 

Years ago, we would have called this “having a plan.”  Whatever we call it now, the fact remains that you can’t wait until you’re in the passionate heat of the moment to decide whether or not you’re going to obey or disobey God’s Laws.  Before you even go out on a date, you need to resolve in your heart that you are wholeheartedly committed to following God’s commands for abstinence, and create a plan for how you’re going to stick to your commitment.   

 

Part of the plan could be committing to only dating men who have the same commitment or making it clear right from the start of the relationship that you are committed to obeying God’s Laws regarding sex.

 

A few years ago, a woman who was single into her thirties, shared her testimony with A Wellrounded Woman Magazine.  During her interview, she told of telling the man she’d been dating for about 2 weeks that she was committed to waiting until she was married to have sex.   Although she was really nervous about his response she thought, “What do I have to lose?   I’m not changing my mind, so we might as well deal with it up front.” 

 

That night over dinner, she told him that she was committed to waiting until she was married to become physically intimate.   He had no problem with waiting and never pushed to do anything she felt was sinful.  Today, they are married with two little boys, and she encourages other young women to follow her example.

 

Another part of your plan may include setting boundaries as to how far you will become physically involved before you are married, what times of day you feel comfortable being alone with a gentlemen, and even what types of places you feel are suitable for a Christian couple to date.

 

Even though setting these types of boundaries ahead of time may seem old-fashioned or antiquated, that’s just because we live in a culture that has no boundaries.   As Christians, we are called to be counter-culture and live for a higher calling and purpose----glorifying God with our bodies and fulfilling His purpose for our lives.  

 

Meeting this goal isn’t going to just happen---a Christian single woman is going to have to put thought, effort, and resolve into making a commitment to purity and taking the steps to keeping that commitment. 

 

2.  In order to choose purity, a Christian single woman should have someone in her life that will hold her accountable.

 

Accountability is a powerful tool.  Having a friend or an older Christian woman who serves as a mentor encouraging you to keep your commitment to sexual purity will be a tremendous asset in the life of any Christian single.  Giving them the freedom to ask any question at any stage of the relationship will help you keep your commitment to sexual purity.

 

Why?

 

Well, because they aren’t swept up in the emotions, the romance, and the desire of the moment, they can help keep you grounded in reality.  They will remind you of your commitment to God and purity before you do something you will regret.  

 

They’ll help you stick to your pre-established boundaries and remind you that true love waits, helping you avoid sin and develop a strong, healthy relationship with the person you’re dating. 

 

Ecclesiastes 9:9-12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up….Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

 

Which brings us to point #3:

 

In order to Choose Purity a Christian single woman must focus on her relationship with God.

 

I've said it before and I'll probably say it again, one of the most annoying phrases to hear as a Christian single woman is “Make Jesus Your Boyfriend.”

 

It always sounds so lame.  That’s when my snarky, sarcastic side would come out and I’d think, “Yes, that will fix everything won’t it?” and then I’d go off on some mental rant about condescending couples not having a clue about what it’s really like to be single.  (Was that a little too honest and vulnerable?)

 

So, obviously, that’s not where I’m going with this.

  

What I am saying is this:  As you invest in your relationship with Jesus, you’ll find that He will fill many of the needs in your soul that the world seeks to fill through casual sex. 

 

Let me explain:  Recently, I was watching a rerun of one of my favorite television shows about a single woman.   Even though I like the show and I do believe it presents the main character as a strong, competent, vibrant, single woman, recently, I’ve been noticing an on-going pattern in the story line that bothers me.

 

The cycle is this:  Every time the main character has an emotional crisis, feels insecure, or is faced with a painful issue from her past, she has casual sex with whatever man is in her life at the time.   In the end, these relationships never work out because she doesn’t love the man she’s sleeping with, nor does she really want a commitment.  What she wants is to use sex as a way to stop the pain in her soul.   Of course, in the end, she just ends up with more pain as she endures the consequences of the unplanned, uncommitted sexual encounter.

 

Even though this is just a television show, I believe that fiction is really just imitating what is real life for far too many women in America---even women in the church.  

 

There are needs in their hearts and souls that aren’t being met, so they seek temporary solace in a relationship and casual sex in an attempt to fill those needs.  

 

Of course, this is only a temporary solution causing women to go from relationship to relationship rather than ever dealing with the issues in their hearts.  In the end, they are only compounding their heartache and adding to their emotional baggage, because sex was never designed to be a cure for the wounds of the human heart. 

 

Only Jesus can do that. 

 

That’s why it’s important that all Christian women, but especially single Christian women focus on building a strong relationship with Jesus.

 

There’s no better way to learn who you are, who you were designed to be, and what you were meant to accomplish than by spending time with the One Who Created you.  As you spend time with Jesus, He will begin the process of healing the wounds from your past.  As these wounds are healed, you will become a stronger, healthier person spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

 

As you spend time in His Word, the Holy Spirit will begin removing any misconceptions and illogical thinking that is playing games with your mind and keeping you from living in spiritual, emotional, and mental freedom.   The more you saturate your mind with the Word of God, the more it will guide your thinking helping you to see and understand truth.  This will help you relate to God, yourself, and other people better. 

 

Truly, as you develop your relationship with Jesus and allow Him to heal your soul and fill the needs of your heart and mind, you’ll find that you really have no desire for casual sex. 

 

Instead, as you learn to see yourself through God’s eyes, you’ll understand that you deserve nothing less than the fully committed relationship that comes from marriage.   When that happens for you, you’ll find that you are satisfied with Jesus. 

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