Another day of waiting.
Believe me when I say that I am not a fan.
Whether I’m waiting for an answer to a question, waiting on someone else’s schedule, or just wishing that a process would move faster, it’s never really something I enjoy.
After some self-evaluation I don’t think that my entire struggle comes from impatience or our society's need for almost instant everything. For me, waiting is challenging because it generally means that I’m not in control of the situation. I’m working on someone else’s timetable, agenda, or perspective.
Again, not a fan.
Sorry, but I prefer to be in control. I like it when everything is lined up in a row and neatly packaged away in it’s necessary compartments. I prefer knowing exactly what the next 20 steps hold rather than taking a leap of blind faith. I like thinking I can “fix” things or come up with a solution. It’s hard for me to just release the reins and enjoy the ride.
Perhaps this is why recent circumstances that may seem like not such a big deal to some have been tremendously challenging for me. I like control, and right now, I’m facing something that I can’t control.
Are you ready? (If you’re a guy reading this article, you’ll probably want to shut it off how, because we’re going to talk about a topic you hate—HORMONAL IMBALANCE.)
Yes, I’m starting the big change of life and I HATE IT!!!
Why?
Well, beyond the hot flashes, estrogen bursts and the just generally awful feelings I experience physically throughout the month (seriously, wasn’t PMS for 30 years bad enough? Now I get to feel this way more often????) the biggest problem I find myself struggling with is that there’s very little I can do to change what’s happening. Sure, I can try some supplements to ease the symptoms (of course, my doctor told me right away that they may or may not help) but I can’t make it stop. This is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it.
The other thing I’m battling is the fact that it isn’t going to go away next week like the flu (My doctor assured me of this too---what a lousy appointment!) Since I’m just starting the process and the length of time each woman goes through this process is different, there’s no telling how long I’ll be experiencing these unpleasant symptoms. Again, something I can’t control!!!
The only thing I can do is go with it---find ways to manage the symptoms---and go through this natural part of life.
I know this---mentally I understand it. Yet, I have to admit that there’s still a part deep inside of me that’s screaming, “BUT I DON’T WANT TO!!!”
Then there’s the “spiritual” part of me that asks God for healing---to just instantly and magically take this problem away.
Still, there’s a little voice inside telling me that this isn’t going to happen. Instead, this calm, gentle voice keeps saying, “Just trust Me…go with it…release control and walk with Me through this process. Trust Me that everything is going to be alright.”
Quietly and peacefully I’m reminded of the words of Paul who said, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)
Once again, I am called to let go of the control of my life and know that whether or not I can control my life, my age, my circumstances, or even my hormones….God is able to give me the strength to follow Him even in my weakness. Again, I am learning to trust….to turn control of my life over to God and to lean in closer to Him on the hard days.
When my strength is gone, I am learning to rely on Him as my energy, my strength, my fuel, and my rest.
True, it’s a new journey and I’m struggling to find my way. Yet like so many journeys in the past, I am trusting that God will be with me, walking beside me, controlling, leading, and guiding to His destination. While I can’t be in control, I do know the One Who is, and I’m learning to trust Him.
Yet again.
What about you?
Perhaps today you’re not struggling with the big “M” word or even a health issue, but you’re facing a situation that you just can’t control. Even though you’ve asked God to take it away, deep inside you know that what you really need to do is give up your need for control and learn to rely on Jesus to be your Source.
Today I invite you to join me on the journey of giving up control and trusting God to take care of us. Together, we can learn to spend more time resting in His ways, allowing God to be the boss, and trusting that He knows what is best. Although this isn’t always the first choice for a control freak—it is always the best choice we can make in life.
Rest in God.
Trust in Him.
Allow Him to be in control as we draw our strength from Him.
Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you in Jesus’ name and ask that you would help each one of us who is facing something that they can’t control. Help us to find our strength, our direction, our energy, and our peace in You. Lord, comfort us as we trust. Be with us on our journey and help us to always hear the voice of your Holy Spirit calling out, “This is the way, walk in it.” Amen.
