I wasn't sure whether or not I should write this blog, it is so intensely personal.
But then I thought, “Well, it never stopped you before"--so here goes.
It was a very challenging day---mostly because God led my brother and I to do something that was completely not on my radar. (Actually, I was adamantly against it)
And yet my Dad got his first Smartphone.
I know many of you are thinking “Uh, big deal”
But for me, it was a very big deal.
As many of you who know our story are aware, our family has been through a lot. Most of it was caused by my dad’s poor choices in life.
Even though I've worked through forgiveness and have moved on with life, when it came to trusting my dad with access to the world wide web all I could see was the danger. For years I've been saying “No, not happening.”
It was almost as if I felt that I could protect myself from any danger by controlling the situation—policing his contact with potential problems so I wouldn't have to suffer any more pain. And for years, the Holy Spirit has patiently allowed me to remain in my control freak bubble until I was sufficiently strong.
And then today He said, “Okay ‘Des, now it's time to remember who is really in control.”
It was tough. Seriously for me, following this direction was tantamount to jumping out of an airplane and trusting that the shoot would open.
Why did I do it?
Because as my heart and mind cried out, “But I don't know if I can trust my dad…if I'll ever completely trust him” God said, “But you can trust Me.”
"You don't have to carry this burden for protecting policing and controlling anymore. Instead trust Me to take care of you and to watch over your dad."
And with that I jumped. We added him to our family plan and gave him his phone.
And I actually feel peace. Shocking isn't it??.
Not because I have confidence in my dad, or even confidence in myself, but because I know I can confidently depend on my Heavenly Father to take care of me and deal with my dad should he abuse his new freedom.
In the middle of it I gained more freedom in abandoning my control of the situation and letting God have the reins. In fact, in the days and weeks that have followed, the Holy Spirit has used this incident to set me free in other areas where I’ve felt undue responsibility to control the situation or even “parent” my Dad. This freedom has set me free from a burden I’ve been carrying that has been way too heavy for way too long.
So why am I sharing this?
Well knowing real life, I am sure there are others who may be in a similar circumstance even if not the exact same situation.
You've trusted someone and been badly hurt.
Now you feel that you need to do all you can to protect yourself and make sure you are never hurt again. You've grabbed the reins and taken control.
And yet God is saying:
“This is not your job. I'm in control so you don't have to be…
When you can't trust people, you can always trust Me…
Trust Me to protect, provide, and be there for you no matter what.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;”
When we feel the need to control situations or people, even when it’s for their own good, we are leaning on our own understanding. What I am learning is that I can only control my own actions and choices. I can love and pray for my Dad, but it’s not my job to make sure he makes the right choices. That is between Him and God.
Along the way, I need to rely on God to protect me from the consequences of my Dad’s choices should they be wrong. I also need to give him the chance to make right choices of his own free will, not because I’m making him.
So trusting Jesus….And that's what I'm learning. Slowly…but I'm learning.
And I took a leap of faith knowing that for 43 years and counting my Heavenly Father has always been there to catch me.
This is the knowledge that helps me jump into His arms and say, “I'll follow you anywhere”.
Are you struggling with trust issues? Read Finding Healing and find answers: